The Purpose of Marriage

The Purpose of Marriage

• Bright eyed New couple, Excited to take on the world together.  The future is full of possibilities!
• 5 Years, Passion for the future has turned to passionate arguments against one another
  • You have realized that you both have very different ideas of what life should or could look like.
• 10 years, weighed down by the burdens of life (begin to eat at one another)
  • Resentment grows, Thoughts are invading your head, they are not pulling their weight, they are keeping me from fulfillment
• 20 years, Kids are growing up, Don’t really talk, don’t really know each other. 
  • -roommates who coexist, but they are far from thriving 
• 30 years, Settled into mediocrity, Bad habits are so ingrained into the marriage that change seems impossible.

Ephesians 5:22-33

This section is about how we walk worthy of the calling to which we have been called. (Ephesians 4:1)  How we put off the old self and put on the new. (Ephesians 4:22)  How we are to be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1)

The difference between Covenant and contract:

• Contract – an agreement between parties –  For me – I am negotiating the terms for my benefit
• Covenant – A perpetual Promise – Sacrificial – I am going to give and sacrifice so the covenant can thrive.  Unlike a contract, it is considered immoral to break a covenant—it is a betrayal of trust. There is never a sense in which it is morally upright for a person to break a covenant

Marriage Is About God

• • Explain
    • Most young people today do not bring to their relationship and marriage a great vision of God — who He is, what He is like, how He acts.
    • God designed marriage for his own glory.  To be a reflection of Him.
      • I want us to recognize something here…  If we have a high and wonderful view of God.  If we understand His heart, and his reasons for creating the universe (the sun, moon, stars, planets, oceans, animals, taste buds, and yes even marriage)  we will understand marriage so much more, cherish marriage so much more, than if we had a 4 week sermon series on having a happy marriage.  I truly believe that to get this one right, we must connect the dots of marriage to God and His glory.  
  • Prove
    • Colossians 1:15-16 – He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.
    • Isaiah 43:6-7 – I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, 7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
  • Apply
    • We must be wary of any Christian marriage which fails to bring glory to God, as that is its primary purpose according to the creator of the institution.  
      • God has an active role in marriage not a passive one. His glory is on the line here!
        • Cheesy love triangle analogy
    • There is always hope for a marriage as long as both couples desire to follow the Lord.
      • What usually happens during a divorce is one party stops trying.  They throw in the towel.  “I am no longer willing to grow, or change.”  
        • If only one person is willing to follow the Lord, it usually only gets worse.
      • It doesn’t matter how bad it has gotten.  I mean seriously bad… Screaming matches, Defensiveness, Criticism, Contempt, Stonewalling, Pornography, Abuse, Adultery.  
        • There is hope for your marriage so long as you are both willing to follow the Lord’s guidance. 
    • God can reconcile and restore your marriage
      • It is nearly impossible to read through the bible and not realize that God absolutely hates divorce.  Does God permit it in certain circumstances? Yes, Most commonly adultery.  But considering that Christ died for the sins of a hundred thousand adulterers, it should not surprise us that his desire for our marriage is always going to be reconciliation. No matter the sin committed.  

• Personally I am grateful that He does not leave himself a way out of my redemption.  I am grateful that He wasn’t in heaven looking down on my sin saying, “look how bad Brandon is!  There’s no way I am going down there now!”

Husbands and Wives

• • What is a good definition of Love? 
    • Secular definition (fickle, fall in love, all emotion)
      • Deuteronomy 7:7-8a – It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, 8 but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers
    • Biblical Definition (commitment —>Action—> Intimacy)
      • The problem with I love you statements – everything fades!
  • Good husbands love their wives sacrificially.
    • Not only are we supposed to love them, the Bible tells us how to love them.  In the same way that Christ loved the Church… Christ died for his church.  He loved us to the point of death.  In the same way, husbands must love their wives to the point of sacrifice.
      • Colossians 3:12-14 – Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
  • Husbands are the head of the wife (Headship)
    • What it doesn’t mean is that every man is over every women.  It doesn’t mean that men are superior to women.  It doesn’t mean that husbands should ever have any right or justification to dominate their wives.  They are not to hurt, or harm, or damage either physically, or emotionally.  EVER.
      • This is a stewardship role given to you by God.
        • An order of authority, You are responsible for your marriage, MORE SO THAN YOUR WIFE. (Spiritually, Emotionally, Relationally)
    • Complementarianism Vs Egalitarianism
      • Our culture is doing everything they can to wipe out gender differences.  It has become this ridiculous competition. 

• Good wives respect their husbands

• • What does this mean?  that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly
  • God has ordained a certain authority to the Husbands. Wives must be aware that they are under the authority of their husband.  So many examples of marriage today fail by having husbands who do not love sacrificially, and wives who refuse to submit to their husband’s God given authority.
    • 1st Peter 3:1-2 – Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
• Apply
  • The Greatest need of the husband is respect.
    • There are a lot of needs, but most often, at the top of the list is respect
  • The Greatest need of the wife is sacrificial love.
    • There are a lot of needs,  but most often, at the top of the list is sacrificial love.

5 Practical Takeaways

1. Take the log out of your own eye first.
   1. Blame Shifting (Defensiveness) only makes the problems in your marriage worse.  
      1. You can’t fix your spouse for them.  We can (and should) try to help our spouses grow in areas where they are weak.  But before we ever look at their flaws,  we should look to the things we have control over, namely ourselves.  
   2. Own your 2%! (make a big deal out of it)
      1. Focusing on another person’s sins is dangerous and unbiblical, and the large majority of problems in marriage arise when we sanctify ourselves while vilifying our spouse.
2. Don’t Settle for Mediocrity
   1. Newlyweds see marriage as something with great potential.  But sometimes the further on we get in marriage, we see all that potential wasted. 
   2. Your marriage is an opportunity for greatness.  It can be as magnificent at the story of Christ and His bride.  In fact, to settle for less is dishonoring the very purpose of the marriage union. 
3. Love and Respect are Rarely Deserved
   1. Your spouse will not always be worthy of what God is telling you to give them.
   2. Wives will not always be acting in ways that are worthy of sacrificial love.
   3. Husbands will not always be acting in ways that are worthy of respect and submission
      1. But God does not place a qualifier in the text. “But only If they deserve it!”
      2. Our source of love and respect come from God, and ultimately go back to God. (we love our wives because we love God) (we respect our husbands out of respect for God and what he has sovereignly placed over us)
4. Husbands, If you don’t lead your family, someone else will.
   1. Adam and Eve in the garden – Satan led, then Eve led, then Adam followed.
      1. Who is leading your family?
         1. Culture? Social media? News? The enemy?
5. Happiness comes after Holiness
   1. You must want me to be miserable…I can’t imagine spending another 30 years in this terrible relationship.  Remember this covenant is not about something you can get out of it.  It is about showing the sacrificial love of Christ toward ruined sinners.  Holiness is the purpose.  
      1. But happiness is found in holiness. Holiness comes first, but happiness will follow!
         1. Commitment—>Action—>Intimacy
   2. Marriage Discipleship Class Next week! 

We Made It (Conclusion)

Imagine with me, you are 75 years old, you have gray hair, everything is wrinkled, Diner, Birds chirping, look in their eyes, across the table, and be able to say with tears running down my eyes, “We made it; We made it.”  I want that more than all the money in the world.  I want that to be true. “I know we had some hard times, but here we are, together.” We Made it!